I spent most of the last five months trying not to really think about it. It was pretty easy, since David seems like a normal, healthy baby--aside from the crazy eating schedule, which I have just gotten used to and don't really think about anymore. Even all the nurses we've seen over the past months have always commented on how he doesn't look "sick" at all, and how you'd never know about his heart unless you listened.
Today is the last day I will hear the "whoosh" of his heart murmur when I hold him in a quiet room. Starting tomorrow it will be a while before I hold him again in a quiet room at all.
They told us that they have seven and a half hours set aside for David's surgery. (His case is a little more complicated than just a regular Tetralogy of Fallot repair, since he is also missing his pulmonary valve and needs to have that fixed, along with the size of his enlarged pulmonary arteries needing to be reduced, which I imagine is tricky work as well.) That seven and a half hours is not including the 30-90 minutes that it will take initially to get anesthesia going and set the many lines that will be needed for the surgery and the days after. That is a LONG time to wait. That's longer than any of my labors! And honestly, I think I'd rather be going through labor again than waiting 8 hours to hear that everything went well and our baby is out of surgery. What are we even going to do during all that time? I can't even imagine.
Today I'm keeping busy cleaning, grocery shopping for the kids' meals while we're gone, doing laundry, and packing. I'm thankful for our weeklong stay in the Cardiovascular unit in May because I was able to compile a list of things that I wished I could have packed, had I known it was going to be a weeklong stay and not just an overnight one. Although I know the next few days are going to be like nothing we've ever experienced before, I'm thankful that at least I know a long stay is coming this time, and that it will be in a place that now feels familiar to me.
And most of all, I'm snuggling our little chunky, precious boy, praying over him, kissing him, and dreaming of the day when this is behind us and we are once again home as a family of five, just hanging out on a Sunday afternoon.
What I keep coming back to is the sure knowledge that God gave us David. As the verse says that hangs above his crib, I prayed for this child, and God heard my prayer. God has David's days all written already, and has big plans for him. He holds David in His hands, and holds us all in His hands during this scary time.
When we were in the NICU, my cousin posted the words to "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands" on my facebook wall, with David's name written in. It brought me to tears then, and still does every time I sing it to David as I rock him:
He's got the whole world in His hands
He's got the whole world in His hands
He's got the whole world in His hands
He's got the whole world in His hands
He's got itty bitty David in His hands
He's got itty bitty David in His hands
He's got itty bitty David in His hands
He's got the whole world in His hands
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